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Last year, a dubious history fact went viral on TikTok. You might have already guessed what it is, so let’s get into it.
“The earliest strap-on archaeologists have found goes back to like, 10,000 BC,” sexpert says, “whereas wheels only started popping up around 4,000 BC.”
Before fact-checking, let’s address the shock in the comments. Many couldn’t believe it.
The wheel! So old! So Important™! Surely sex objects didn’t come first!
My sweet summer children. My noble lambs. My Teletubbies.
Are we surprised that pleasure toys predate a complex wheel-and-axle system? Are we shocked that orgasms were more important than going * gestures broadly * over there? Are we doubtful, really, that the same species that gave Alexander Skarsgård a patio furniture penis yearned for twerk before torque?
Let’s fact-check a few things.
The term “strap-on” — to put my copy-chief-dictionary-motorboating hat on — implies the existence of a harness or attachment system.
The earliest evidence of a harness-plus-phallic pleasure device is not, unfortunately, Stone Age old. There’s no evidence of a Paleolithic strap on, likely because an organic material used to fashion a harness-like attachment rarely lasts that long.
The oldest mention of strap-on I found is in an encouragement to use them in the Kama Sutra (written in the 3rd century CE).
There is a more explicit mention of strap-ons in a text from 1023, when the Buchard (a term for a Roman bishop) of Worms (near modern-day Frankfurt) wrote questions for those seeking confession.
Among them is this saucy minx of an inquiry:
“Have you done what certain women are accustomed to do, that is, to make some sort of device or implement in the shape of the male member, of the size to match your desire, and you have fastened it to the area of your genitals or those of another with some form of fastenings and you have fornicated with other women or others have done with a similar instrument or another sort with you?”
I don’t see how this would render you less horny. I for one would need to go walk in the woods for a long time, breathing in and out with my whole face. But I digress.
So where did the ‘10,000 BC’ come from?
What this TikTok may refer to is a dildo or phallic object, which humans have indeed been making for thousands of years.
The earliest are actually much, much older than 10,000: The oft-first-cited fake dick of yore is a 28,000-year-old siltstone phallus from Hohle Fels Cave in southern Germany.
It is about 19 centimeters (7 inches) long. It is (unsurprisingly) “carefully polished” (good for you).
Good for him! Good for them!
Archaeologists identify it as a phallus, but its precise use is uncertain.
It may have had symbolic or ritual significance or served as a tool for knapping flint (an ancient art of shaping stone into tools and weapons).
It is also marked with a ring-shaped groove. It is, shall we say, suggestive. Strong. Valiant. Strapping. A protagonist.
Ah yes, an ancient tool for shaping stone into tools and weapons.
Source: BBC
Still, archaeologists say it only “possibly” functioned as a sex aid, and it cannot be confidently labelled a dildo in the modern functional sense. Boo!
Greek and Roman literary and artistic sources provide stronger evidence that dildo-like objects existed long ago. Classical texts and images depict or refer to artificial phalli, and Aristophanes’ Lysistrata mentions leather dildos.
Tell me how this links to tarot before I succumb to the vapors!
This is the Ace of Wands.
Case in point. Fittingly, this includes vapors!
By Pamela Colman Smith - http://muzendo.jp/blog/,
Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=113970866
Just with the image above I could probably stop this argument right here. Case closed.
Case closed!
Wands is the suit of passion, creativity — and sex. Aces are the initiation, the spark. They’re the creative idea hitting you in the face (or elsewhere).
Wands are an interesting suit to ponder. Compared to the others, what Wands stand for isn’t clearly on the same hierarchy of needs.
Pentacles is everything we sense with our body like food and shelter: our material world. Swords are the mental realm. Cups are emotions: what makes us human.
Wands are about our need to create. Our willpower! The potent hankering to forge something just because we can.
Maybe it’s my internalized shame as an artist, but when I first learned tarot, wands seemed less important from a needs-hierarchy point of view.
At first blush, we shouldn’t need ambition or creation to survive. Inspiration seems a “nice to have.” Eat, find shelter, think through how to eat more and find better shelter — then perhaps get down with papier-mâché.
But the notion of sex toy as ancient object gives us something to contemplate.
Someone thousands of years before the wheel deliberately shaped and polished a stone phallus, potentially to seek pleasure for pleasure’s sake. We don’t know whether it was a tool, a symbol, a sex aid, or all of these things at once.
This uncertainty is also aptly aligned with Ace of Wands. It’s not proof of what someone desired, but at least proof of an invitation to imagine it.
3 journal prompts inspired by the Ace of Wands
What is a new creative venture you’re currently inspired about? It doesn’t have to be something as big as a hankering to forge dildo from mountain stone. It can be a new recipe or an idea for your Halloween costume.
When you’re struck with an enthusiastic new idea, how does it feel? Does it feel like you downed a cold brew? Does it feel invigorating? Does it feel like the Buchard of Worms just read to you a passage about “what certain women are accustomed to do” and you need to walk toward the horizon for a spell?
What usually ignites your creative spark? For many, inspiration strikes when you get in motion: visiting a museum, scrolling Pinterest, chatting at the pub, or mind-melding with your cat.
A few resources:
This article on the history of the strap-on, by Them
The Long and Satisfying 28,000-Year History of the Dildo by Metropolitan Barcelona
The history of the dildo by the University of Melbourne
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